Telling your employer you are relocating. How to have the hardest professional conversation with integrity.

What this post is really about:

Why telling your employer early is almost always the right call even when it is terrifying
How to prepare for a conversation you have never had before
What made our conversation go well despite the difficult timing
What you can control and what you cannot

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There is a version of this story where I waited. Where I timed the conversation strategically, gave exactly one month’s notice as my contract required, and kept my plans close until the last possible moment.

I could not do it.

Not because I was legally required to say more. Not because I had calculated that early disclosure was the smarter career move. But because the organisation had been good to me, my director had supported me through maternity leave six months into a new role, and staying silent felt like a betrayal of a relationship that deserved better.

So in early May, almost three months before our planned move to London, I told my director that my family was relocating. The visa was still processing. We did not have an exact departure date. And I told her anyway.

This is what I learned from that conversation.

Why the timing felt impossible

The week I chose to have this conversation was not a convenient one.

My direct manager had tendered his resignation the week before. My director was already managing the emotional and operational weight of that departure, at a time when bonus payouts had just gone out and the sector was bracing for a wave of resignations. She was, in other words, already holding a lot.

There was also a practical consideration that made staying silent feel genuinely wrong. With my manager leaving, a significant number of external stakeholder relationships were going to transfer to me. If I did not speak up now, those relationships would transfer to me only to be transferred again a few months later when I left. That was not fair to our stakeholders, to my organisation, or to the people who would have to manage that disruption.

I work in a local organisation with a public facing role. The philanthropy sector in Singapore is small. The people you work with and the reputation you carry follow you. I did not want to leave a version of myself behind that I was not proud of.

So I asked for a call.

How I prepared

Before the conversation I did a practice run. Not because I was scripted, but because I wanted to be able to deliver the news clearly, without over-explaining or collapsing into excessive apology. I wanted to say what needed to be said and hold it with warmth but without excessive guilt.

I made a few decisions in advance.

I would acknowledge her situation before sharing mine. She was already under pressure. Walking into the conversation as if my news was the only thing that mattered would have been tone-deaf. She needed to feel seen before she received difficult news.

I would not raise the possibility of remote work in this first conversation. The news of the relocation was enough for one sitting. Adding a proposal on top would have made it feel like a negotiation rather than a genuine heads-up. If remote work was ever going to be on the table, I wanted it to come from a place of trust, not transaction.

I would lead with my commitment to a proper transition. Whatever happened next, I wanted her to know immediately that I was not going to disappear. That mattered more than anything else I could say.

How the conversation actually went

The conversation opened with me acknowledging what she had been going through that week. The team changes, the weight of it. I wanted her to know I had not walked into this conversation obliviously.

Then I told her directly. My family was relocating to London. My husband had accepted a role there. I was telling her now, not at the last minute, because of what the team meant to me and because I wanted to do it properly.

She asked how long I had known.

I was honest. We had been aware of the possibility since earlier in the year but had only made a firm decision in April. I did not over-explain the timeline or apologise for it. It was the truth and it was enough.

She asked how I was feeling about it personally.

I had not expected that question. I gave her a genuine answer — that it had taken time to get here, that there was a lot on our plate as a family, but that we felt it was the right decision while the children were still young.

What happened next surprised me. She stepped out of director mode entirely and just asked how I was doing as a person. That moment meant more to me than any professional outcome that followed.

She was warm. She was composed. She was appreciative of the advance notice. And then she moved to practical thinking — asking about timing, and whether I would be open to continuing in some capacity remotely. My organisation is very local with a significant timezone difference and a public facing role. The structural challenges of remote work were real. Despite all of that, she wanted to explore it.

She closed the conversation with: “The fact that you came to me this early says a lot.”

What made it work

Looking back, a few things shifted the texture of that conversation from difficult to genuinely good.

Acknowledging her reality first. She felt seen before she received my news. That changed everything.

Separating the news from the ask. By not raising remote work myself, I avoided the conversation feeling transactional. She raised it. Which meant when we eventually discussed it, she came to that conversation with curiosity rather than resistance.

Being honest about the timeline without over-explaining. Straightforward and factual. It did not invite unnecessary scrutiny.

Not over-apologising. The move was the right decision for my family. I held that with warmth but without guilt. Excessive apology would have undermined everything.

Leading with the transition, not the ask. She knew from the first minute that I was committed to doing a proper handover. Everything else became easier because of that.

What I would tell someone terrified to have this conversation

It is terrifying. Especially in this job climate. There is the very real fear that you will be treated differently, overloaded with work, or quietly managed out before you even have a chance to leave on your own terms.

I cannot promise that will not happen. I had no control over how my director would respond. I still do not have full clarity on how things will resolve.

What I can tell you is this: there is something deeply satisfying about knowing you did the right thing. About staying authentic to your own work ethic even when the easier path was available. About leaving an organisation — whenever that day comes — as someone who showed up with integrity until the end.

You cannot control the outcome. You can control how you show up.

And in my experience, acting with the best of intentions usually works out in the right way. Eventually.

This post is part of a series on navigating career and work during an international relocation. The story did not end with this conversation — more on what came next in a future post.

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If you found this useful, you might also want to read:

The £100k tax trap. What every family needs to know before moving to London.

The mental load of relocating while working and parenting. Why you need to give yourself grace.

Have you had to tell your employer about a big life change? I would love to hear how you navigated it. Drop a comment below.